Writing While Parenting: 4 Step Process
When I started dabbling in the writing world, my oldest was in school five days a week, the middle two days, and the baby still taking a minimum of two naps a day. The writing-parenting balancing act was relatively easy. I could block out at least two hours a day to accomplish my set goals and still keep up with my “house duties” (cooking, cleaning, laundry, sleeping). Now, two of my older kiddos are in school five days a week and the youngest is only taking one nap a day. I should still be able to swing it all, right? Not so simple. I’ve found myself in even shorter slots of time where I can sit down, read, critique, write, and work on building my social media presence. Often I feel I’m in over my head.
Should I wait and pursue all this when the kids are grown and gone? But I’ve told countless friends with kids to embrace their dreams - it’s important to show you have ambitions too…
I scanned articles on the topic to calm my nerves and reassure I’m not the only juggler on the scene. Rob Hart and John Scalzi offered some comforting thoughts, but I didn’t feel any more at ease than before. So, I put together a few tips of my own that help during some of my most challenging days - with writing and general tasks. It’s hard enough finding a work-life balance without kids. Factoring them into the mix makes nearly every goal seem twice as hard to complete.
Inhale / Exhale (Take Deep Breaths)
Yes. This is essential. Sitting down with the abyss of chaos around you can feel beyond overwhelming. But if you just show up and take a couple of breaths to remind yourself you’re only doing your best, you can relax a little and take some of the weight off your shoulders. Anxiety holds true art from captive. Free yourself from unrealistic expectations by starting with a simple breathing exercise. I promise, you can move to the next step afterward…
Start Small
Make a Top 5 List of everything you’d like to accomplish: a novel, a poem, a short-story. Then, take the time to flesh out the steps that’ll allow you to achieve each one. Creating a master list and series of sub-lists can make the whole process more manageable. This might take several days, but don’t worry. No epic novel can be written in a day, neither can the outline or bones of it, so take your time. Once you have a clear map from beginning to end, you’ll feel a lot more confident delving into the writing of your project. Think of it like a syllabus or instruction manual for building your ultimate masterpiece.
Prioritize
This is something Rob and John both touched base on. Prioritize your time…Prioritize your project. At first I thought this sounded patronizing. Doesn’t everybody have to prioritize something to make it through their day? However, now with my youngest nipping at my heels nearly every waking hour, I get what they’re saying. I’ve got to hold myself accountable. Some days I have to tell everyone: “Mommy needs an hour. Eat dinner and enjoy it without me.” Some days I wake up extra early - 3 a.m. or 4 a.m. - just to get in a little reading/writing time. What’s important is to determine how important your writing is to you. Is it a hobby like golf or skiing - a seasonal, leisure activity? Or is it like an appendage - always there, needing to be exercised whenever possible? Whichever the case, prioritize accordingly and your goals will be accomplished.
Finish What You Started
Ouch! Do you know how many unfinished projects I started before writing? Ask my husband. He’ll show you my craft closet of works-in-progress. But unlike sewing or knitting or crocheting, writing’s not like riding a bike. You can’t just pick it up and start where you left off. Creative juices sour when they’re shelved too long. Even if you’re not 100% happy with your end-piece, by finishing your first draft, you’ll be yards ahead of most writers who claim “life” got in the way and quit too soon. If you just finish draft one, going back through to revise will be even easier. You’ll notice repeated errors and trim the fat at lightening speed. Still, if you’re not satisfied or simply disappointed in your skill-level or work performance, you can say “I tried.” Finishing a marathon has little to do with winning or even placing for most participants. So is to writing. Because when you finish the last stroke on your keyboard and hit “save,” you’ll know in your heart “tried” is exactly what you did.
I continue to struggle with balancing my art and my parenting responsibilities. Some days I excel in one and fail at the other. But when I go back through my four step process, I feel a lot less overwhelmed and alone. Hopefully, you can take comfort in knowing someone else is out there, juggling, tripping, falling, and getting back up to do it all again too.
Happy writing!
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Simply Sally